Yesterday's CIP talk, the person asked us a question.
Do we prefer a mother who don't nags or a mother who nags.
I said; a mother who nags, cause it means that they care for you.
If they don't nag, they probably given up hope on you already.
Yesterday night, my mother suddenly said life is very tiring.
I felt so too.
She said, she ever thought of committing sucide,
but dieing in such a tragedy way is very stupid.
So she said, sometimes she wished she had cancer.
At least its heaven will, that its time for her life to end.
She asked, if one day she died, who i die too?
I said; no. my life still has a long way to do.
And she continued, but if you die one day, i'll also die.
Cause life would be meaningless.
I was speechless.
Today, went school later than others, cause i got prefect ushering.
Greeted the parents, me and jocelyn were a pair in-charge of 3E3.
I did morning shift, helped mdm soh and mdm ching sort of some result slips.
After that guided the parents along the reflection forms.
Around 11.30, lunch break, packet food was prepared for us.
Went to help awhile after lunch break, then jocelyn came to change shift.
She came and i left, cause my mother reached school already.
Went to canteen and fetch her to class, meet teacher.
It was a pretty short conversaation, not much complains.
Results was slightly lower than average.
I admit that i am disappointed in myself.
After that went bugis with my mother.
The hot weather already dropped 50% of my mood.
Saw various nice bagpacks that i'm intending to find one to buy for camp uses.
But my mother just have the impression that everything @ bugis street are undurable.
Didn't buy anything in the end, mrt-ed back to compass point.
On mrt, couldn't control my tears.
The more i tell myself not to cry, the more i wanted to.
Stood all the way on the train, clearing eyes.
Went to the shop, that was 'branded' in her list.
True, the bagpacks there are all $100+, and there was 50% off promotion.
But i don't like it! So what if its a $100+ bag?
And the shop was closed until 5, so we were like peeping inside from outside like some thiefs.
Went converse to look for school shoes, my current one is all torn.
The first question she asked was, how much is the cheapest school shoe here?
The person said $39.90, and showed us the shoe.
Its ugly la, its fat and bulky, look like some guy's shoes.
Liked some other design, which is more feminine, but the price was a difference of $20.
Of course, she didn't want to buy for me.
Started a quarrel, and i ran off.
Kept walking, a pace faster than another, didn't bother to turn behind.
i reached the interchange, i couldn't take it, i started running.
Ran out of the interchange, to the bus stop outside.
Stopped there while i wait for my 156 back to school.
Saw christina and yanling while walking from bus stop to school/
Went in together, they waited for mr. jamal to finish PTM while i took over jocelyn's shift again, around 5+.
Went up class to check on them, during break time, approached mr. jamal together.
Requested to borrow mac books, but failed.
Was swallowing my dinner down, cause there wasn't much time left.
Went back to usher, theres this girl who gave me a deep impression.
Cause shes damn rude, shes rude to her parents, and shes rude to me.
Cause her mother apparently don't understand whats the reflection form asking,
and her mother asked her, but she just ai ya, give me la.
Then she ticked all disagree.
Then her father said, shouldn't like that and ask her explain.
She say ok la ok la, she stared at the paper awhile, then throw it to me.
EH YOU, EXPLAIN LEY, SO CHIM, I DON'T KNOW HOW.
:|, so i explained lor.
Duties till 8+, kennedy and belin was my neighbours :)
Kennedy kept coming over to ask for extra feedback forms,
while i kept going over to ask for extra water bottles.
Chatted with belin and our other neighbours, all on the same building.
Some living opposite too, was like waving everywhere :P
One of the last few to pack up, cause the teacher very long winded.
Went youth corner to meet the other prefects, wasn't in a good mood.
Sat at the benches outside, and took a rest.
Thanks keegan, for noticing that i'm in a bad mood.
And thanks, for not disturbing me, letting me rest in peace while remaining silent.
Went celebration wall, signed out from duties, and they wanted to go eat supper.
Waited for eddin and anthony, they came, but they wasn't moving.
Was quite sian, so i left alone.
Walked very slowly, halfway saw yiyan and amantha, and i did a very kuku thing.
I walked back to school with them.
Went mac to have supper with a whole big group of prefects'.
On the way there, zhilin told me alot of things.
Thanks, but yea, you didn't tell me the solution to the problem yet.
Bought medium fries and vanilla cone to eat :)
WenXin copied my style of fixing fries with vanilla ice cream :)
After that when my ice cream finished, she herself went to buy another one.
Thanks eddin for sending me, anthony & wen xin to compass.
Walked wen xin home, she stay near nan chiau high.
Was rather super hyper, i guess i was trying to make myself hyper and happy to hide the tears.
I really had enough of crying today, my eyes are damn tired.
Walked home from wenxin's house.
Reached home, greeted by parent's naggings again.
Went straight to bathe, then now online :)
Haven't done e-learning yet, gonna do now.
GOODBYE :)
i have no idea whats making me feel so troubled.
but i'm sure theres more than 1, 2, probably even more than 3.
Time after time, history is repeating.
Maybe i shouldn't put so much heart into a friendship,
cause it really hurts when the friendship break, and with no reasons.
You would not have know how terrible i'm feeling now.
Maybe you thought that what you're doing is the best way for both of us,
but no, there'll surely be another way out.
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