GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hey readers.
15th just passed, this few days have been rather disastrous. Broke down like countless times, but staying very very strong now. However, there's still some thoughts and thinkings inside me that i wish to share. :)

It has been two days and i'm definitely improving. So please stop forcing me to say when i don't wish to share. I have the rights cause it's my privacy. It's sad that i can't have your understanding on this matter but i can't shake off al the blame as well. But i'm realy improving, can't you give me anoter chance? don't make it seem as if i've committed some serious sins that cannot be cleared. Because i am trying very very hard to repent now, and return back to my original state, stop forcing me. If you're not gonna give encouragements, it's okay. Just don't shoot. This is what happens. When a student leader does something wrong, it's like amplified. Here's the deal. Its true that we do have a higher sense o responsibility, but we're humans too. Can't we even commit like a few times of mistake? If a normal student sleeps in class, the teacher shows care and concern. When a student leader falls asleep in class, it becomes. 'I'm so disappointed in you. As a leader, you don't even show basic respect to the teacher. Now get out of the class'. Futhermore, no chances were given for me to explain myself. Cause you were setting up ur visualiser so i just took a small nap? Like 1 the most 2 mins, and i get out of the class?.. Sometimes i thought, whats the point of explaining? The teachers will always argue their way right because of something they have to hold up to, more of something like their pride. They're our teacher, it's kinda impossible for them to even open their minds and listen to what sense we've got to say. Cause whn you want to understand something, you need to open your mind first so that it can enter right? As while we're explaining, they're preparing arrows to shoot back. It just makes me see no point in further explaination as it's imppossible.
We're currentl living in a a gerenation where adults are not mature to the extent yet. Just like how parents can't accpet the fact when you're right and they're wrong, and will find their ways to make them right. Because they feel that they're more superior, they've lived through more experience than us, and their pride. Now, as a teenager growing up, this is the stage where lots of stress comes about. I'm determined to excel in leadership, and doing well till recently. Just because of this sleeping thing in class, the subject teacher complained to my CC and ACC. My ACC used it to target on my leadership ability. Do you know how it feels? Like all the hard work you've done to serve as a leader, and now because of this complain, it's like a virus that corrupted all my old files. The teachers impression of me from maybe around 8, a model student dropped to 3, not even an average student. And do you know how it feels when you just see the teacher coming to you and say 'lynette, i've heard some complains about u recently. As a student leader...' and its not just one teacher but many?
Leadership is a word that's close to my heart, which somehow can also be said as my weakness. I fear the way others judge me, and whenevver they bring in this word 'leadership', it just cuts me so deep. I'm not trying to shove away any blames or responsibility, neither am i unwilling to face he responsibility a leader have to face. But, nevermind. I shall not elaborate more. There's really a lot a lot going on. Family problem, other commitments, HLC, studies, not enough sleep behind the happy lynette scene in school. Maybe everyon'es expectation of me when i can't meet cause.. Forget it. I don't wish to continue as i reckon it'll get anywhere cause it's all just rantings and rantings. Went counselling, sorted out my thoughts. I'm not gonna work just hard but extremely hard again and gain back all the good impressions from the teachers from step 1 again.
That's right, thats almighty lynette! :D Never losing faith! ;)