Monday, March 28

There can be miracle,

If we ... believe.


MEMORIES ARE EVERYWHERE.

On the whole bus journey back, i was struggling with my thoughts. The same question kept running, is he worth it or not? Thoughts of giving up dash pass, but my heart sort of gave the instructions for mind to blank out. I remember we were sitting on the same 88. Times when i was sick, times when you came to my house, times when you come in the morning to help me carrying stuffs for the class party last year. They all felt like something so long gone, but all the details are etched vivdly in my mind as though it was yesterday.

When i'm sad, i couldn't pour out to anyone, cause you used to be the only person i fully trust. But now, you were the reason that made me cry.

Crying is nothing, it just makes you feel bettr after crying out loud, so i assume its good. Come on stay strong lynette.

Today had a fun day with chinese dancers and i think its worth mentioning. Danced abit after that played games. Shouting and playing catching + eagle catch chicks in hall. xD The wu shu teacher scolded us for making too much noise and being inconsiderate for using the hall space to play games. So we moved to parade square. OMG, all this games are making me lose my voice again! xD

Lastly, modern dancers are having their SYF tomorrow. I sincerely wish them good luck, jiayous! DO YOUR BEST, put in your heart and light up the stage! :D

Sunday, March 27

Last piece of hope.


HAH, me me in the center, if cannot see i think you got parallex error laaaa! :b

OKAY, time to rant. where do i start?
Basically, this blog is no more a daily blog updating about typical school life. As i seriously need some emotions dumping now. Had H2H talk on the phone with shirely sweetheart, regina kuku and jiasi dajie yesterday night <3 Why, actually everything jia si told me, i already knew it without she telling me. It's just senses. She's trying to wake me up and remind me that this world is a package. Everything may be wrapped up beautiful but inside its scary. She kept repeating this, and this word 'disgusting' came to my life. Whyy must it be like that? Why is LIFE LIKE THAT? can't it be a little simpler. With a little fairytales, and a happily ever after. Why must heartbreaks be involved. Why is it so difficult. Now that i lost you. They said a true heart beats all odds. Nothing is impossible. PIAN WO DE AH! JiaSi say, to be nice i'm innocent, to be nasty, i'm ignorant. With determination, having faith blablabla, ... lead to sucess.

It all just happened like a typical breakup scene. Well, why is it always girls being heartbroken? To be normal, you would cryyyyyyyy. Cry your heart out, and different people take different duration to pick themselves up again. I picked myself up very slowly. But jiasi said. Theres this problem with me, i'm too optimistic. I always like to think of the bright side, which is good but sometimes bad. Even when theres 0.01% of hope still left, i'll never give up even though 99.9% of everything is breaking me down. After which, i came to know about an ugly truth. Which was somewhat good, cause breaking away with hate is easier than being neutral. I broke away, and that's when my posts started with the day 1, day 2 and blaaa. 2 weeks, nothing happened, life was normal. Till, the day you suddenly texted me again . It only take that one text, to ruin 2 weeks of hard effort, deceiving myself or whatever so just to let go.

Lettingg go is never easy if you truly love him. There can be a million different ways to make yourself give up on him, and everyone works with different ways. But for me, its just no way. The whole night yesterday, me and jiasi were on the same topic, again and again. They kept urging me to let go, but, i kept defending. WHAT If. WHAT IF. WHAT IF. i kept defending for you, maybe you had your difficulties, maybe you wanted to focus on your studies. But the truth is just earthly crashed infront of me, your irresponsibility. JiaSi said, so what even if you keep hoping, and really one day you guys get together again? When you guys break, the pain would be double. But i just said, then why break, i'm not being irrealistic in beliving in fairytales, but can't it be just once and forever? ... Maybe i'm really, too IGNORANT.

People may say you're not worth it, people may say what's the point of loving him but making your life so sad? Love shouldn't be sad. But, that's just what my heart wants it to be. I askeed alot alot of stupid things, like. Why can't i just silently love him? JiaSi : By silently loving him, means without him knowing. And you're just torturing yourself, by seeing him everyday. Jealousy is never a game girls can escape. I asked: why can't we be just friends. JiaSi: the feeling is just different. When you have not fully let go of everything from the past, the friendship is not just pure friendship. It's friendship that you still have the hope that it can turned back to how it used to be. I asked: then why can't it be like how it used to be? JiaSi: cause that's even harder than letting go.

Again and again, i asked. Sometimes i get filled with sorrows, smetimes i get a little hope. But no matter how much the sorrows are, they're never gonna bury my hopes. You shot me with a gun again and again, maybe you didn't realise. But i'm sensitive to everything you say. I don't have a bulletproof heart. It may be full of tattered wounds; philophobia (fear of falling in love again), lost of trust in humans, broken promises, but it's still beating. It's still beating tiredly/sometimes enthusiastically, trying to save that last piece in my heart called hope.


Well people. Look here, i'm not trying to be some bubblegum that sticks and refuse to move away. But, my hopes are not dead yet. Seriously, this isn't me. I would rather you stab me hard one time, and let me give up for once, get hurt for one deep time, let go and slowly pick myself up from there. Rather than slowly let the feeling fade, it seems impossible. There's so many things i wanted to ask you, and theres even some which i took the courage to find out from you.

But, you left me with no answer that i could move on. You're not facing it. By facing it, you'll have to tell me the truth of how you feel, truthfully. Even if its a truth that'll probably make me cry for a day, a week, you should tell me. I'll really slowly pick myself up after that 1 day. Afterall, i'm someone who still has a passion to hald me on, i won't just collapse and find no point in living, unless i lose my passion. Don't convice me with a lie and expect me to believe, and live with it. No matter what, i'll never hate you.

looking at the beautiful sunset, i recall memories of those 4 months.

Life without you was great. Life with you was better. Life after you left was , holding on with the help of my passion. I can no longer find back the me after all this have happened, it was hard solid reality of the past, not just a dream with no realism.

For You.



No matter how many heartbreaks,
I'll be right here waiting for you.

Thursday, March 24

PROJECT RAINBOW

This is my on-going project rainbow, to bring hopes to their lifes.





Actually only wanted to post like 1/2 out of the 5 photos, but all are too nice and i can't decide which to post, so lets post all 5! :D

Also, the video from the previous post is part of this project. But last wednesday i was sick and couldn't go school, so i couldn't pass the video to mr cheong for assembly, so it was not shown... :( This monday will be collection of funds by CC/ACC during CDL . :D

Alot commitments into chinese dance and HLC recently. Being an exco member, i treat myself as vice chairman la, cause i think i won't be the chair. :b Today had meeting with mr ng and all the exco members. Talking about what HLC is existing for. How true. The only initiated programme proposed by HLC is this project rainbow run by me, and nothing else.
However, i wouldn't be able to commit much due to upcoming SYF and intensive trainings now. This project rainbbow tied me tight to my schedule, and after this project ends on probably tuesday, i really should focus on my SYF (1st priority), then studies (second! :D).

Actually. i realised that daily trainings for chinese dance is not working. Dancers get tired by training everyday. They come dance with a restless and sloppy attitude, they don't put their dance and complete their best dance everytime they play. I feel like, they're just marking through their steps, i think they surely can do much better!

Today was photo talking too, Monitor, Chinese Dance and HLC :D The hall was overcrowded and very messy due to CCAS walking in and out for phototaking, and kept cutting across our practice space :b HLC and prefect are merging. If theres no further changes, according to plan, the exco members of HLC(including me) will start prefect duties next monday! Actually didn't want to join prefect cause i don't want to give up monitor, i like to serve the class :D Planning class events, helping teachers up, doing small things like 'class stand, class bow' and attendance everyday is a great pleasure to me! :D True, you must do small things well then teachers are confident to assign big tasks to you! :D But mr ang say we don't have to give up monitor, so maybe i'm starting my prefect duties next monday? HMM, waiting for further instructions. But what i feel is, prefect is a choice, monitor is a want. Like prefect i don't mind serving the school too, but if you would like me to make a choice, monitor would be my choice :D

Next project coming up would be Youth Day. Most likely planning concert (like a performance), sounds cool? :D Probably gonna like get jocelyn, pedro, eric, junren, calvin, adib to choreograph a dance performance together too :D YAY-ness! AWESOME-ness :)

Silently loving you.

Wednesday, March 23

Baby; let me hear you say.

Those 3 words once again.
i am sorry. I LOVE YOU

I pause, i ponder, i wonder.

Whether he's worth it or not, only the heart can judge. Whatever decision made, theres' no explanations. Just 4 letters, LOVE.
I ended up convincing my own heart, yes i still love him dearly.

Let's pray for Japan, do your part now, start donating ^^ :)

Tomorrow's assembly,

The Rainbow Project - a dollar campaign, start donating today! :)

Credits : Lynette, WenXin, Mr Ang.

Tougher and stronger each time after i fall, thats' who i am. I really thank people who brought sadness into my life, cause they taught me how to appreciate happiness. Just like theres no sunhine if theres no rain. Theres no gain if theres no pain. Theres no sweet if theres no bitter. :) Jiayous, 1 more month to SYF. After that shall move my priority to Studies, HLC and of course, never stop dancing <3 .

Monday, March 21

So sick.



Sunday. went for dance. LALA, leonard didn't come. Should i have know it earlier i wouldn't have went too, stayed at home do homework ... Cause i went today cause its his birthday and wanted to give him a surprise party... Dinner @ Subway with YueLong, Jasmine and Bel. AWW, yuelong's so sweet to Jas. He's like.

SORRY, i still love my Father first, mother second. And you third. And you must do the same okay?

AWW, xD Me and Bel was like FML... not becauseof their sweetness la of course, but because we were both very sick. Feeling so down that had not much mood to disturb him :b

Rushed homework till 3, tried smsing alot people but non reply, whyyyyy everyone sleep so early deee! :b

Have been feeling so sick since chinese dance camp... First it started out with sore throat due to the Barbecue. Had a sexayye voice. Now it deteriorated to throat inflammation, flu, cough and fever. Last night was 37.0, had phone call with kevink and darren. Kevin was like, 37.4 then fever. Abit later, took my temperature again, 37.4, soo zhun! xD But i am determined to go school today :)

School, kept coughing and coughing. My lungs feel so terrible, my nose is dropping out. SIGHS, I feel a sudden hot and cold. Managed to pass up all the homeworks teacher asked for today! :D Was so not feeling tired despite the 3 hours of sleep, until my medicine took effect and i become blurr. xD

After school had short meeting. YAY, proposal submitted to mr cheong le! :D It may be a small achievement to some people, but to me, i did something great! :D The talk by ziyang and jiajie will be on wednesday. Now gotta work on the powerpoint, posters and music video. Hope everything goes well! :D

I wanna skip school tomorrow, but not.
I wanna skip the feeling terrible part, if not i'll definately be elated to go to school :D

OH NO, mrs tey published my compo. Everyone's asking me about it. No, it was made up. I didn't do a split jump and faint okay! xD I was suppose to exaggerate it since it was a compo topic on Hunger. Some classes did the essay topic : Saying Goodbye. I've got inspirations for it, soo cool! :D When i got time i'll go and write an essay out :D I love english more and more nowdays. (Y)

Saturday, March 19

Oh heart, please make a decision.

"I’m not afraid to cry. Every once in a while even though going on, with you gone still upsets me. There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay. But that’s not what gets me…
What hurts the most was being so close & having so much to say and watching you walk away :/
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go. It’s hard to force that smile when I
See our old friends and I’m alone. Still harder Living with this regret… u.u"





Today morning went school for Touch. The security guard don't let me go into school cause i was in slippers. Thankfully jiasiang borrowed me his shoes and i walk in and change back to slippers. xD Training as in the library, i love leadership trainings cause i always feel inspired after that :D today the activity was to draw a picture of someone who inspired you. I drew weiqing, for people from NPCC, you guys should know who is he ba :) WELL, he really motivated me alot during the HLC camp. Thought me about setting goals, picking yourself up when you fall. He really gains my respect, salute! :D

RESILIENCE- is the ability to perservere when things are difficult, to keep going 'when the going gets though'. A resilient person is able to bounce back after a setback or disappointment, able to learn form mistaes and to try again until success is achieved. It is mindset, an attitude.

INTEGRITY.- is about honesty and seeking to do the right things. It is about being a trustworthy person who does not tell lies, and who keeps to his PROMISES. Integrity is about choosing the right thing to do despite temptations, pressure from others, and fear of bad things happening.

COMPASSION.- is about opening your eyes to the needs and the problems of other people, of choosing to tr to understand them and why they behave the way they do. Compassion is when you do not judge others for their mistakes and failures but you look for ways you can help them to improve and do better.

EXCELLENCE.- is having an attitude of always doing a good job in everything that you are doing. It is a mentality of not being satisfied with just doig the minimum, bt always wanting to deliver something that you know you can be prouf of. It i havin a mindset that you should give your best all the time, not getting affected by others.

Reflecting. When i was in primary school, we had this subject called CME. It was plain boring to me and whenever we did those small worksheets on CME, the questions would be like, what would you do if you saw an old woman crosing the road. the model answer would be, i'll go over and help her to cross over. That's like something that i felt we were all told to write this way, but not how we felt. Little did i expect that these little CME lessons actually brings me to a bigger word called Leadership. In sec ones, i detest CDL lessons, they're sleeping lessons for me. Till today, CDL lessons may sometime be boring, but there always a learning point from it. A point to learn and improve yourself to become a better person :D

Went home, super tired took a short nap. Ate mummy's signature spaghetti for lunch. MRT-ed to orchard meet Colleen. Went to this shopping mall called 'Tab'. There was a flea market on-going there :D First time going to flea market, the things there are nice and afforable, should have gotten to know this long ago! :b Bought nail polish and a top :D Oh ya, jiawei (collen's brother), my cousin and his girlfriend (my new friend), madeleine was there too :D LALA, went far east to shop. Took photos with Colleen using her polaroid camera, cool or what! :D Left around 6.15, took bus to dhoby ghaut and mrt-ed home.

Hate it when the person sitting beside you is constantly, openly and directly staring at your phone when you're sending a text message. What's there so nice to see? TSK. Esp when its a bangla! (not trying to be racist).

Reached home, bathed and ate spaghetti for dinner. :D Peaceful night for my family today. Suppose to start on homework, but blogging took my whole night away. Tomorrow's dance, leonard's birthday too. gonna plan a surprise party, yipeee! :D



3E1 to PRP! :D

PRP!Pasir Ris Park.

It was a challenge for me today, to walk around Pasir ris park. Like what yijian likes to say, the memory lane. Theres alot alot of memories here, with clique, with renkk, shiqi, cheryl, with HLC, with sec ones, with YOU.

Meet at compass, i wsa the only one punctual. Kevin pointed out something quite true. You can never be punctual if you go out with guys :b Took bus 89 to pasir ris park, went to rent bike and skates. Me, Joey and Damien were skating, while joshen, kevink, kevinf and jarel were biking. Joey and damien didn't know how to skate so i was support joey but damien was going confidently on his own, picking up quite fast. They both fell alot of times. And there're alot of time joey fell and almost pulled me down too. HAHA. Damien lost balance while going down a super steep slope, and he broke his arm. OUCH. after that carried his skates and skate back, while we all go return the bike and skates too. When i reached the renting place there, was so tired of carrying the skates and skating as it was very heavy. Lost balance and fell too, the first time i fell but no one saw cause i was ahead of them :b KEKE, luckily i had my knee guards on as i fell on my knee :b








Went ehub slack, played xrider with Jarel and Damien. OMG FUNNNN! :D



After that decided to visit the red house. For people who don't know, its a house that claims to be haunted, and i do believe its haunted okay! I do believe in ghost. We saw another group of 4 guys outside the house too. we saw the side of the fence being like cut open and can climb in, so we ask the other group of guys want go in together alot. They were like undecisive, 2 want go in, 2 want go home :b They're smokers (X) Then all the guys don't dare/ don't want go in laaa. :x Joey was super daring, she already going in liao but no one going in with her. Then i say, joey if you go in first, i'll follow behind you. So we went to ask the group of 4 guys if they wanted to go in. So 6 of us climbed into the gate (not the house). 2 girls, 4 boys. I went in and kept shouting kevin.k to come in xD in the end he climbed in too. But joshen and others say theres like people staring at us from the lift (theres people living like directly beside the house). The security guard also warned us about police patrolling around this area around 5.30 to 6. which was just nice 5+ at that time. So, we climbed in, and climbed out. :b Cause we're more afraid to get involved with the police. xD walked away, joshen said something stupid . If we wait here awhile and police doesn't come, we can go in again. Told this idea to the other group. So we all camp there and they smoke smoke smoke -.- After quite awhile, no police, we walk back to the house. But it was going 7 and the sky's quite dark already. This time, i really didn't dare to go in . And the other group didn't follow. Joey kept scolding them losers! HEH, so fierce! xD Slack there awhile caue want go in don't want go in. In the end left the place. OH ya, some real experience. I had this open wound that i got after skating cause of the friction between the shoes and my skin on my leg. It didn't really hurt much but we i entered in the gate, it suddeny super pain like really pain. :X When i got out, its better. LOLS, don't know is i sensitive or what. And the second time we went outside, i felt superrrr uncomfortable. Like got spider web all around me de feeling, or maybe its just like insects or leafs i don't know laaaaaaaa. Walked to the super far playground.

By the time we reached the sky was already dark, we ran to the spider web and started climbing like kids. I do miss my childhood days! xD Took the long slide down ,but its not slippery, its like helpingg them to mob the slide with your pants! :b played the firefox, swing, bridge, and the turn turn big wheel. LALALA, had so much fun, laughed alot! :D We ended up drawing things on the sand :) But shall not post the pictures here :D










Left around 9 plus, walked out of the park. Somehow we ended at elias, somewhere near darren's house. Kevin.k called him down. Oh ya, by this time only left kevink, kevinf, jarel and me :D Went mac to have dinner. :D Super funny conversation with them. Somehow when we recalled what we did today, it all sounded so fun, but during that point of the day today, it wasn't really that fun :b Slack till 10+, took bus 88 home. Kevin's Shao Ya Fan! xD

Reached home, daddy went nuts. Keep accusing mummy and i stole his money. threatened to call the police and get em' to lock us up. I was camping in the toilet while he was shouting at mummy. UNREASONABLE.

Thursday, March 17

So empty


A video taken during one of our practices, :D It's up on my facebook ACC : pikachulve :)Give some constructive comments pls! THANKS! :D

Today morning woke up and went to school to do IC. Specially went to top up my card, using my primary 5 photo, cause apparently, i still look the same :) BLABLA, discussed about the initiated activity to raise funds for Japan with anthony. Proposed the idea to mingkang, lalaaa, a new proposal to do, must sent to mingkang by tomorrow! :b OKAY, got things to busy le. So tired, haven't take a proper rest. Went Youth corner, discovered alot Wii sets xD Ate bread and kaya, soo full omg. Went point to meet yijian with darren to do SS project. Finally completed, we're like the only 2 people in the group. Brought the project home to decorate...

Probably gonna do my proposal first befoe i take a short afternoon nap. The morning is gone, gonna treasure my time! :D

I was right,

Wednesday, March 16

United as one

28 hearts, 1 dance.


HS CHINESE DANCE CAMP ; 14-16th March 2011.

My dearest dancers, hope that you guys enjoyed the camp and benefited from it! :)
Basically, this camp is planned by me, my first time doing a proposal, and i learnt alot from it :D Dancers reported on monday morning, left their bulky bags in the music room, while most of us went for supplementary lessons :) Lunch together with Elaine, Andear, Krystal (omg, i just found out she's jiasi's sister) and Danni :D I was telling everyone, eh you know jia si? Crystal is her sister ley! But they all like, YA, you don't know meh? OMG! i'm so lagggg! xD we all talking about ghost stories in school blablabla :D It seems impossibe to shake off that topic during camps :D Went back for dance practice, wang lao shi and ma lao shi was here. DANCEDANCEDANCE. Went had BBQ :D I was starting up the fire, burnt myself, scalded (?) 2 fingers. Cause we didn't had tongs for charcoal, so i was trying to move one charcoal near the fire to another side. I picked it up, omg hot, throw. And i think i must be insane to pick it up again, wanting to put it back. And HOT! throw into drain, and it goes 'SSSSSSSSSSS'. WOAH, ran my 2 fingers under the tap for super long, once i take away from the water, my skin is like burning inside! :X


















Played sparkles.

I inhaled too much poisonous smoke, causing myself to have a super sexy voice. As they didn't buy a proper pit and we were all dying of hunger, we set up a small fire first with one of the aluminium tray. :b In the end we had 2 pit, one was high flames, you throw the food down 1 sec can take up liao, if not chao ta. And ours was the slow, but steady fire :D Bathed, split into 2 groups. I was the slowest?! they bathe so fast! >: Debrief by me :D Ended the night with some ghost shows recommended by zhiyin. xD They were watching KPOP after that, whole room high except me and elaine, hiding inside the sleeping bag trying to sleep. They were basically too high to sleep. And i fell asleep, but they were shouting and screaming, that i woke up. It was th 15th already. I don't like it, it made me cry, AGAIN!. Thanks laopo shiqi >: Don't like the fact that its so hard to control my emotions! Went to walk around the school with HuiZhi, HuiLing, Crystal, Andear, and ZhiYin. Nobody dared to explore the classroom block as its superrrr dark. OMG. Went to bed around 1+ 2.

Woken up in the morning, lucky me had no more lessons :) Slack in the music room while i helped to train some green costume people while waiting for the rest to be back. I love the music room, mirrors, wooden tiles. It's all so perfect with some speakers on :D And lastly theres even a piano! :D Went for lunch @ Point, ate KFC and went back for dance. Dance was at hall, wang lao shi and ma lao shi came again. They were shocked to hear my voice, KEKE. Practice Practice, dance dance. Dinner @ Kopitiam with ZhiYin and Elaine :D Bubbletea :) Night split into groups to practice, after which we had an activity :D Gave them each a paper to write their name on, an with some music, began writing thank you wishes to everyone! :D



This is a very good way to motivate everyone. Everyday when you wake up you see that piece of paper, you gonna tell yourself, YES, I CAN DO IT! :D HAHA, we called mac delivery, but i couldn't eat cause my throat was burning. Gave a mass debrief, i had to whisper cause i can't project my voice at all. Rather epic, but thank you all for giving me the attention to speak :D Got everyone to come up and gave a small speech about this camp before they can claim their 'certificates'. :b HS CHINESE DANCE IS AWESOME, the bond is building up again, its been so long since i felt this bond ever since jiaxin, charmaine and seniors left. :b GOODJOB PEOPLE! Slept around 3, walking brown sugar macchiato (like my 3rd time watching). OMG, wangzi is sooo charming, KEKE! COOL! :D I like xiaoyu too, he plays the guitar :)


















Morning was waken up by noisy band people. OMG, i was totally sleeping like a pig, they all got woken up by some alarm tone but i totally didn't hear it. I was awaken by the noise everyone made when they woke up :b ME : PEOPLE, WAKE UP, 7:13 already! THEM : still got 2 more mins! HAHAS. ShuFen : Ou Lao Shi will scold if we don't follow schedule, schedule says 7:15! CUTE OR WHAT! xD

Did warmups, went canteen to take a light breakfast. Dance practice with wang lao shi and ma lao shi started in the morning :) EVERYONE was super tired, taking every chance we get to just lie flat on the flor. Lunch break, ate kopitiam with wenle, zhiyin and elaine. lunch made me even more sleepy, i feel like bringing my sleeping bag to the hall and sleep :b Continued with dance practice, seriously tired, sweated like a pig, i seriously stink. OMGOMGOMG. DANCEDANCEDANCEDANCE.


This shows how tired everyone was, sleeping on the stage.

Took videos, and a final dance before everything came to an end around 6. WOHOO, WANG LAO SHI ZAI JIAN, XIE XIE WANG LA SHI! :) Abit of photos here and there, PACK UP, BREAK CAMP! :D












more photos on facebook! :D Lynette Dance