Hey people. As promised, my main blog will be a happy blog, as i want to divert some irritating stalkers away from this blog. Well, gonna do some emotion dumping here.
Firstly, kinda got mixed messy feelings nowadays. My heart says i still love you, but i have no idea is it stilll as strong. Maybe somehow it just became a habit to think that i still love you, but truly do i still love you? But the reason i kept holding on also. I was hoping someday somehow i don't know how, i'll be able to touch you or something. Maybe you will recall all the sweet memories, yea maybe i have no idea how.
'Maybe i'm not good enough afterall.
That day at the chalet, i texted him. My guts just lead me to it without my brain and heart knowing why. No idea was it a mistake, but we had lots to say. You were caring, nice as always. And we texted everyday.
Recently, i don't feel the same level of excitment when like i have a chance to go out with you. I still wanna go but it's not as strong anymore. No idea is it called feelings fading, cause i'm so used to saying i still love you. But in actual fact, i'm really confused.
What can i expect, after 3 years, ur heart still to come back to me?
I feel contradicted doing such a stupid thing, but my heart chooses this complicated path.
I really have no position to say anything when i find out that your crush is a friend that i'm quite close to.
JUST SPEECHLESS.
Monday, November 21
Thursday, November 10
I always hold on too tight;
Cause I'm always extremely afraid of losing .
Cause bro you used to make me feel that you're a friend that I can always confide to, always trust and
Really will help me in times of need. I sort of expected our friendship to last and never drift as we were so close just like real brothers and sisters. But when u drifted, I feel so sad.
It's not like losing a boyfriend,
It's like losing someone who thinks is rlly a good friend.
Tuesday, November 8
(Conversation of me and haikal, he really cheered me up! ^^ Thanks lizard!)
It's said that a #cancer remembers things you've done to them for life; be it good or bad.
I didn't really agree to this last time, but today something struck me which made me find it rather true. All along, most of the time I'm the one initiating the texts, I'm the one that always die also will try and find something to talk, not letting the conversation die. Im the one who gets ignored, or feel irritated with according to your
Mood. I'm no one , just someone whos trying everything to get back your heart. Yes I know
You tried too, did you try ur best? I know I am nobody to you and you are somebody to me, hence maybe the difference. But, it somehow occurred to me this .
In general (not specifically you):
People often say they've tried their best already, but in actual fact, I see nothing of the best that they can give. It's just an excuse, a self consolation that you knw, I failed but things ain't that bad. But I really can't stand this type of attitude. I remember the SYF, all the dancers were complaining and complaining on the bus back. I was totally shocked you know. Cause everyone flaunted their mistakes loudly, like 'I drop my fan ! I forgot this action! I didn't turn properly.' after continuing with 'Aiya, nevermind lah, I tried my best already.'
You call this your best? Did we have any of this problems during practice? I'm sure our best, as a team isn't during the SYF itself, it was during our practices. Yes, maybe you guys felt nervous and did stupid mistakes, but you just forgive yourself by merely saying, I did my best, loudly. In 09's SYF, someone dropped the flower, no one even dare to admit. And here I'm hearing you all say, I drop my fan! And a few others follow on, I also! Me too! Like seriously , what is this? Maybe it's different perspective of view, but yea, this is just my perspective.
So back to the point . Today, I was totally pissed off but somehow I find no point in getting pissed cause it's not ur fault. I expected too much from someone who I am nobody to. You called me mean, but my immediate thoughts were: ''if this is mean, what's the time when u broke up with me called?'' I'm sure that's 10 thousand times worst. I know you've said things like you've never wanted to hurt me or whatever so. Yea, this is so contradicting tat it's gonna give me a headache so I'm just gna pen down my random thoughts. Not blaming or scolding anyone in the process, since this is my emotions dumping ground!
And It occured to me , that a #cancer is indeed someone who remembers what you've done to him/her for the whole Life.
@/. True indeed.
Gonna choreo to 'sorry that I loved you' now to express my cool myself
Down. Kudos.
Friday, November 4
A trip to vietnam; an UNFORGETABLE ONE.
Hi all, this is a special column for my friends. So if you wish to have to honur o your name appearing on my blog right, just text me and tell me or leave a message at the cbox! I'll write short dedication to you for each post! :)
haikal; lizard.
Hi you're so awesome. Thanks for cheering me up when i was really tired of all the chaotic things that happened yesterday. You are awesome, way too awesome :) Your messages are power, super long and movitational. Remember to work hard and prove yourself wrong to *SSNSD* too alrights XD I'll be here to give you reminders now and then just in case you need it. ROCK ON (#.#)
also, thanks to all the friends who cheered me up on twitter! :) I'm so glad to know that i've inspired more people! ^^
Before i begin, let me give you a taste of the fun times i had in Vietnam ... :)
So does the picure tells everything yet? Nope! xD There's more that i wish to share with you guys! :D Keep awake as its gonna be a loooong post! :D
Day 1
Went to take the plane very early in the morning. I did not have the same excited feeling as i was going Cambodia with 3E1 last June. I was feeling a little hesitant and unsure would this trip be memorable one. The first day passed rather swiftly and normally. Long bus journey, visiting places of interests and lots of good food, restaurant food. Had no problem adapting to the food culture here. I was rather amazed by a musical instrument played by the waitress during our dinner in the restaurant. Switched of roommates rom Qiaobin to Amantha. We were exhausted when we reached the hotel and slept early. I really hope we have a chance to go shopping again. The trafic here is crazily scary, messy and busy.
Day 2
It was the first day in school. When i went into ther class, the whole class was very hyper. They were all very excited, no idea is it because of our school visiting. Maybe they saw a cute guy from our school. I got a very cheerful buddy, her name is Linh. When i just got to know her, all my worries about an uncomfortable and inadaptative homesstay are all gone. I'm very looking forward to meeting her family. HEr classmates are all bubbly and nice, all eager to make new friends with me. One was very friendly, she said ' Linh is my bet friend, you are my best friend too.' i felt very warm after hearing this. Their english standard was impressive too.
They are learning linear law in math lesson, some vaguememory of it. Linh is 14 this year, and she is very cute and pretty. It was of no alarm when she told me that she has 3 suitors in the class. I was amazed by thei lively class spiri here. Everyone was shouting, running around. Thinking back of my own class, imagine if we could be like this. Everyone here is much warmer. I guess 3E1 would be a lot more bonded if we have a class spirit like this! The guys are girls, they are all so bonded. There is no awkwardness between them at all. I met this tall caucasian english teacher and he said tht i'm tall. I guess tat they are not used to seeing tall people here. The teachers here are very strict, unlike the friendly teachers we have in HS.Yet our class isnt more active with a lesser strict teacher.
I was amazed by their students, they knowhow to speak Vietnam and fluent English & a little fo chinese. It was really funny to see them fooling around when the teachr is angry! It was so boring, they kept having math lessons. It's the last day of school in HS today. I wonder if the class having any party, celebration or cleaning up now. i really didn';t want to miss the last day with 3E1.
Linh actually saw my diary and wanted to read it. If i was in singapore, i would definitely not let my singapore friends see it. But seeing how bonded and open they are, i guess it would be alright to let her read and would not cause any awkward-ness! The school lunch was quite a good one. Everyone was served the same food and eager to help me get the chair, th food After lunch, linh brought me into a room with ots of bed next to each other. It was their sleeping tie. Linh was actually sleeping with her best riend but only two was allowed on each bed. I am very grateful to her best friend for giving the space to me. It was a very good experience, i had a nice nap :)
After lesson we went to the hall for a mini welome party. We were addressed by Doi Thi Dua secondary Principal & HS vice-pricipal; Mr Fong. HS put up a small singing performance, which we were practicing since yesterday after night reflection. "Just the WayYouAre". I was the lead singapore somehow. Thy wanted us to put up some dance performance actually but the idea was turned dwn as we decided to do something as a whole. I met Linh' mother and she was very friedly. I felt bit embarrassd as i couldn't understand anything her mum said. I askhed her how do i address her mother, she asked me to call her 'mother' too. We took a car back to her house. When i entered her house, we took the lift and there was 7 floors and she pressed 4.I thought she live on the 4th floor but in the end i realised all 7 floors is hers, including the lift omg. After settling down, i went to her english extra class. There was a cassroom filled with students, i st t the back and joined in the class. I was feling a little pressurised as the teacer kept asking me to answer te question when the class can't, as well as the students sitting around me. There was this guy, sitting a distance from me, offered mea traditional coconut sweet. I could sense that he kept looking at me throughout the lesson which made me feel uneasy. The whole class seemed ery excited to hear that i am from Singapore. As there was extra time left when he lesson ended, the teacher kindly allowed the students to interact and ask me a few questons about singapore. There was this guy who left an impression on me as he was a popper. After class, went back to her house to have dinner. Her mother was verygenerous and prepared a lot of food for me, but my stomach capacity was a maximum. Linh did a bi of her homework after we showered and we went to watch 'The walking Dead'. A long an tiring day, we headed to bed around half passed 10. I slept with Linh and her bed was very coy and comfortable.
3rd day in Hanoi.
It feels so good to be called aake by your mother, rather than sleeping with the fear of missing your alarm clock & being late for school! Bought my breakfast from a house nearby, it's called rice stick. It taste rather delicious as i ate on the car on the way to school. It was a long day to pass, i knew it. I folded a paper heart and i walked away, and it's gone. Someone stole my <3! :(
I just realised that it is winter now, no wonder yesterday night slept with all my windows closed and i still got a flu and today in class m fingers were freezing... Their end of lsson 'bells' aer dru rolls.
Went back home to have lunch. I ate this fish that they said it was vey nutritious, which i saw still alive the night before, wth the head still there. I was clearly disgusted by the sight and i never really like steamed fish. However to not be rude, i managed to swallow one fish down and when they offered for more, i quickly rejected. After that we went shoping! The soft toys here are extremely cheap compared to Singapore. I wanted to buy more but it's too bi already and i'll have trouble bringing them back to Singapore. I Was extremely happy when i saw a humongous pikachu. Altkhoug it looks a little deformed, but i knew i had to get it. Also , i bought a pair of high cuts & little plushey keyhcains for my GFs. Sat a trishaw with Linh, first time taking it, it was really exciting. Even a trishaw ha the 'BeepBeep.; I guess it is impossible to survive in such terrible traffic without a honk. Visited some traditional places, took lots of photo with Linh with the hel of her Mum. Afterwhich, we took a taxi back. Spent the restof the evening till 8 watching TV & had dinner, linh's realtives came for a clebration; Her cousin was going to study abroad and also a welcome party to me. I had a great and full meal.
Night Market Experience (IT WAS RLLY FUN!)
5 of us. Me, Linh, linh's cousin (Girl), Linh's cousin (guy) and linh's borther (Big brother). We took a taxi to the market. Linh's cousin (guy) left a very deep impression on me. Hekept prompting me questinos on the taxi, such as 'can you tell me more about yourself' (He asked thsi twice & i didn't know what to say so i said 'my name is lynette!' & everyone bursted out with laughters. Told him a little bit about my family, & he said 'i heard from Linh you like Taylor Swift.'.
Me: Yup.
Him You look like her.
Me: Huhh...? she's so pretty.
(*I'm flattered alright, its so nice of him to say that but i don't think i look like her any bit at all).
Him: You are prety too.
Me: UHM.. thanks!
During the walk in the night market, it was extremely crowded. It felt like Chinatown during Chinese New Year. Oh! He asked me this too.
Him: Do you have any guy friend?
Me: Guyfriend yes, but not boyfriend.
-silence-.
Him: Do you like vietnamnese guys?
Me: err.. i don't know?
Him: Yuo don't know? You need to know!
Linh and her cousin girl) was whispering to each other& giggling when this conversation went on. I could tell that he was tryin very hard to keep the conversation going. I'm extremely flattered i must say.
Let's contiue with the walk in the market. The traffic was as busy as the shoppers on the street. Linh's cousin (Guy) lead at the front while big brother stayed behind s. Whenever we are crossing the road, bigbrother will slip beside me like sort of help me watch out for trafic. Hey my brothers (as in those from HS), you guys better be thankful. 4 of them accompanied me to walk until 10 just to find some gifts for you all! Big brother bought a sling bag for me as a gift. I felt so pressurised each time i cross the road as the number of motorbiks are just overwhelming and you have to just keep walking, and pray that non hits you. Also during the walk back, i saw this group of hooligans approaching in our direction. somehow i felt someone tappedmy shoulder and i turned around but couldn't see anyone. Then i turned back and linh's cousin (guy) stood infront ofme. The hooligans walked away and kept turning back and her cousin sort of 'protect' me. At that moment i felt that he as really so aweswsome.
-Shall end on my 4th day as i'm realy tired, chingay tmr. KUDOS!-
Let me end with some inspirational quotes :)
Leadership is not an event, it is an on-going process.
It is everyone's business.
The best leader is the best learner.
Leadership needs practice.
Leadership opportunities are presented to everyone, what makes a leader different is the reaction to the opportunities.
Leadership is an aspiration and a choice.
LEadership is a realtionship.
Live a legacy.
Empowerment.
Keep Improving.
Punctuality.
Character.
Support.
haikal; lizard.
Hi you're so awesome. Thanks for cheering me up when i was really tired of all the chaotic things that happened yesterday. You are awesome, way too awesome :) Your messages are power, super long and movitational. Remember to work hard and prove yourself wrong to *SSNSD* too alrights XD I'll be here to give you reminders now and then just in case you need it. ROCK ON (#.#)
also, thanks to all the friends who cheered me up on twitter! :) I'm so glad to know that i've inspired more people! ^^
Before i begin, let me give you a taste of the fun times i had in Vietnam ... :)
So does the picure tells everything yet? Nope! xD There's more that i wish to share with you guys! :D Keep awake as its gonna be a loooong post! :D
Day 1
Went to take the plane very early in the morning. I did not have the same excited feeling as i was going Cambodia with 3E1 last June. I was feeling a little hesitant and unsure would this trip be memorable one. The first day passed rather swiftly and normally. Long bus journey, visiting places of interests and lots of good food, restaurant food. Had no problem adapting to the food culture here. I was rather amazed by a musical instrument played by the waitress during our dinner in the restaurant. Switched of roommates rom Qiaobin to Amantha. We were exhausted when we reached the hotel and slept early. I really hope we have a chance to go shopping again. The trafic here is crazily scary, messy and busy.
Day 2
It was the first day in school. When i went into ther class, the whole class was very hyper. They were all very excited, no idea is it because of our school visiting. Maybe they saw a cute guy from our school. I got a very cheerful buddy, her name is Linh. When i just got to know her, all my worries about an uncomfortable and inadaptative homesstay are all gone. I'm very looking forward to meeting her family. HEr classmates are all bubbly and nice, all eager to make new friends with me. One was very friendly, she said ' Linh is my bet friend, you are my best friend too.' i felt very warm after hearing this. Their english standard was impressive too.
They are learning linear law in math lesson, some vaguememory of it. Linh is 14 this year, and she is very cute and pretty. It was of no alarm when she told me that she has 3 suitors in the class. I was amazed by thei lively class spiri here. Everyone was shouting, running around. Thinking back of my own class, imagine if we could be like this. Everyone here is much warmer. I guess 3E1 would be a lot more bonded if we have a class spirit like this! The guys are girls, they are all so bonded. There is no awkwardness between them at all. I met this tall caucasian english teacher and he said tht i'm tall. I guess tat they are not used to seeing tall people here. The teachers here are very strict, unlike the friendly teachers we have in HS.Yet our class isnt more active with a lesser strict teacher.
I was amazed by their students, they knowhow to speak Vietnam and fluent English & a little fo chinese. It was really funny to see them fooling around when the teachr is angry! It was so boring, they kept having math lessons. It's the last day of school in HS today. I wonder if the class having any party, celebration or cleaning up now. i really didn';t want to miss the last day with 3E1.
Linh actually saw my diary and wanted to read it. If i was in singapore, i would definitely not let my singapore friends see it. But seeing how bonded and open they are, i guess it would be alright to let her read and would not cause any awkward-ness! The school lunch was quite a good one. Everyone was served the same food and eager to help me get the chair, th food After lunch, linh brought me into a room with ots of bed next to each other. It was their sleeping tie. Linh was actually sleeping with her best riend but only two was allowed on each bed. I am very grateful to her best friend for giving the space to me. It was a very good experience, i had a nice nap :)
After lesson we went to the hall for a mini welome party. We were addressed by Doi Thi Dua secondary Principal & HS vice-pricipal; Mr Fong. HS put up a small singing performance, which we were practicing since yesterday after night reflection. "Just the WayYouAre". I was the lead singapore somehow. Thy wanted us to put up some dance performance actually but the idea was turned dwn as we decided to do something as a whole. I met Linh' mother and she was very friedly. I felt bit embarrassd as i couldn't understand anything her mum said. I askhed her how do i address her mother, she asked me to call her 'mother' too. We took a car back to her house. When i entered her house, we took the lift and there was 7 floors and she pressed 4.I thought she live on the 4th floor but in the end i realised all 7 floors is hers, including the lift omg. After settling down, i went to her english extra class. There was a cassroom filled with students, i st t the back and joined in the class. I was feling a little pressurised as the teacer kept asking me to answer te question when the class can't, as well as the students sitting around me. There was this guy, sitting a distance from me, offered mea traditional coconut sweet. I could sense that he kept looking at me throughout the lesson which made me feel uneasy. The whole class seemed ery excited to hear that i am from Singapore. As there was extra time left when he lesson ended, the teacher kindly allowed the students to interact and ask me a few questons about singapore. There was this guy who left an impression on me as he was a popper. After class, went back to her house to have dinner. Her mother was verygenerous and prepared a lot of food for me, but my stomach capacity was a maximum. Linh did a bi of her homework after we showered and we went to watch 'The walking Dead'. A long an tiring day, we headed to bed around half passed 10. I slept with Linh and her bed was very coy and comfortable.
3rd day in Hanoi.
It feels so good to be called aake by your mother, rather than sleeping with the fear of missing your alarm clock & being late for school! Bought my breakfast from a house nearby, it's called rice stick. It taste rather delicious as i ate on the car on the way to school. It was a long day to pass, i knew it. I folded a paper heart and i walked away, and it's gone. Someone stole my <3! :(
I just realised that it is winter now, no wonder yesterday night slept with all my windows closed and i still got a flu and today in class m fingers were freezing... Their end of lsson 'bells' aer dru rolls.
Went back home to have lunch. I ate this fish that they said it was vey nutritious, which i saw still alive the night before, wth the head still there. I was clearly disgusted by the sight and i never really like steamed fish. However to not be rude, i managed to swallow one fish down and when they offered for more, i quickly rejected. After that we went shoping! The soft toys here are extremely cheap compared to Singapore. I wanted to buy more but it's too bi already and i'll have trouble bringing them back to Singapore. I Was extremely happy when i saw a humongous pikachu. Altkhoug it looks a little deformed, but i knew i had to get it. Also , i bought a pair of high cuts & little plushey keyhcains for my GFs. Sat a trishaw with Linh, first time taking it, it was really exciting. Even a trishaw ha the 'BeepBeep.; I guess it is impossible to survive in such terrible traffic without a honk. Visited some traditional places, took lots of photo with Linh with the hel of her Mum. Afterwhich, we took a taxi back. Spent the restof the evening till 8 watching TV & had dinner, linh's realtives came for a clebration; Her cousin was going to study abroad and also a welcome party to me. I had a great and full meal.
Night Market Experience (IT WAS RLLY FUN!)
5 of us. Me, Linh, linh's cousin (Girl), Linh's cousin (guy) and linh's borther (Big brother). We took a taxi to the market. Linh's cousin (guy) left a very deep impression on me. Hekept prompting me questinos on the taxi, such as 'can you tell me more about yourself' (He asked thsi twice & i didn't know what to say so i said 'my name is lynette!' & everyone bursted out with laughters. Told him a little bit about my family, & he said 'i heard from Linh you like Taylor Swift.'.
Me: Yup.
Him You look like her.
Me: Huhh...? she's so pretty.
(*I'm flattered alright, its so nice of him to say that but i don't think i look like her any bit at all).
Him: You are prety too.
Me: UHM.. thanks!
During the walk in the night market, it was extremely crowded. It felt like Chinatown during Chinese New Year. Oh! He asked me this too.
Him: Do you have any guy friend?
Me: Guyfriend yes, but not boyfriend.
-silence-.
Him: Do you like vietnamnese guys?
Me: err.. i don't know?
Him: Yuo don't know? You need to know!
Linh and her cousin girl) was whispering to each other& giggling when this conversation went on. I could tell that he was tryin very hard to keep the conversation going. I'm extremely flattered i must say.
Let's contiue with the walk in the market. The traffic was as busy as the shoppers on the street. Linh's cousin (Guy) lead at the front while big brother stayed behind s. Whenever we are crossing the road, bigbrother will slip beside me like sort of help me watch out for trafic. Hey my brothers (as in those from HS), you guys better be thankful. 4 of them accompanied me to walk until 10 just to find some gifts for you all! Big brother bought a sling bag for me as a gift. I felt so pressurised each time i cross the road as the number of motorbiks are just overwhelming and you have to just keep walking, and pray that non hits you. Also during the walk back, i saw this group of hooligans approaching in our direction. somehow i felt someone tappedmy shoulder and i turned around but couldn't see anyone. Then i turned back and linh's cousin (guy) stood infront ofme. The hooligans walked away and kept turning back and her cousin sort of 'protect' me. At that moment i felt that he as really so aweswsome.
-Shall end on my 4th day as i'm realy tired, chingay tmr. KUDOS!-
Let me end with some inspirational quotes :)
Leadership is not an event, it is an on-going process.
It is everyone's business.
The best leader is the best learner.
Leadership needs practice.
Leadership opportunities are presented to everyone, what makes a leader different is the reaction to the opportunities.
Leadership is an aspiration and a choice.
LEadership is a realtionship.
Live a legacy.
Empowerment.
Keep Improving.
Punctuality.
Character.
Support.
REFRESHING MEMORIES
%%
Hey bloggers and readers, SUP! Missed you guys, didnt had a recent post since very vety long ago. Well, my blog's so old and dead now, i bet no one reads it. And it has successfully turned from a 'everyday' blog into an emotion dumping ground. As i assumed that no one would see whatever that i'm writing now, or even if there is, it would be just minority of the people (:
OHYES!" Saw the picture above? your right! I visited Vietnam, from the 27th to 31st November along with the student leaders of HS. It was a super fun and unforgettable learning experience. I'm currently missing my host alot, her name is Ha Linh, 14 this year. Maybe if one day i'm free i shall do a detailed update about what exactly happened during that 5 days of stay.
One whole week of extended curriculum when i came back from vietnam. Stress really overwhelmed me this time. Super lots of work to catch up as i was absent for 5 days... Had to read up on the many chapters that i've missed and catch up on mountain high homeworks. The sec one orientation is coming, just had the first bonding sessions with all the leaders involved in the organising committee, 'you de mang le!' Also, chinese dance currently preparing for next year's Sec one orientatino dance and chinese new year dance. As we do not have an instructor now, wen le and i have to learn the dance and teach them ourselves, a pretty good experience. DanceFactory and DFUNKATRON are quite low profile now, looking forward to the many upcoming performances in weeks and months to come! :) And lastly, i've decided to be a good girl and just mug hard this whole holiday. Not gonna go out play and party that much, stay at home, study, practice and practice. I'm gonna make full use of my holiday!! (okay that's what i always say (...)). OH! My guzheng exam is coming, in the late Novembers, i'm super nervous about it as i think i'm still not up to standard, gonna put much more hard work into it! I gotta prove to my parents i can handle it so they will allow me to have my piano lesson back on again next year!
Feeling so great after dropping past the GYM with cherylGF today, a lot angry things happened one after another today in a chain, vented my anger while i was running :) After that i shared lots of sweet followed by bitter memories with her. It was all really so great last time... I WISH ... HAIS.
Oh yes, little small details like this; you texted me first that day, you asked am i alright, i was over the moon i swear. can you do it more often please ? :')
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